Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Ticket please!

So we have a defiant child. Well...not quite defiant, but we are well on our way there. Yesterday was not one of Gabby's best days... she did everything we told her not to, said she was sorry and then did the same thing again. By the end of the day I was left wondering if I was turning into one of those moms Nanny 911 or Supernanny would rip to pieces. I would get so mad at her for doing the wrong thing, lying to us about doing her chores, and found myself yelling like a mad woman. Me, yelling at my girl.... sigh, not my best mommy moments I am sure.

So I decided to do something about it.

There is a book called "The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child" whose suggestions just clicked on a light in my head and made me really think about what was going on. I mean, we weren't physically fighting like some families, but it was bad enough that I lost my temper more than I care to admit. I thought about where are are having the most conflicts- getting Gabby to eat her meals, pick up her room, and most of all rest at naptime. One of the suggestions that the book had was a positive reward system involving raffle tickets.

So here is what I bought: stickers, small craft box, and the raffle tickets. On one sheet of cardstock I put down 5 chores that we want her to do each day- feed the dog, put dirty clothes away, rest at naptime, eat at least 50% of her meal, pick up toys at the end of the day. Each of this has a ticket value from 1-5.
And on the other side I wrote down all of her rewards- a trip to the dollar store, gets to pick out dinner, going to the movies with Daddy, and her favorite- a trip to the Kiddie Park! Each of these has a ticket value as well ranging from 10 tickets to 100 tickets.
At the end of the day Gabby gets her tickets, puts them in her newly decorated box, and gets to spend or save them as she sees fit.

Here is why I like this idea- there is no negativity associated with it. The child doesn't do the task, they don't get a ticket, easy as that. You never take tickets away. Also, you don't have to give tickets for EVERYTHING that your child does right. Gabby still has to use her manners, still has to help set the table, etc. And, she practices her math and understands saving up for what she really wants. (Let's just hope she doesn't want a pony or something!)

So we will see how it goes... so far so good though, Gabby has earned 5 tickets already!

1 comment:

Melissa said...

Glad today is going better. Kids can be frustrating. Hope you found a system that works for your family.

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