Friday, June 24, 2011

Plank Pulling: Self-Hatred with a Side of Cream Cheese

"The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye." 

Today's plank isn't one thing but a whole bunch- body image, beauty... 

As a dancer there is a preconceived image that you are supposed to fit: tall, skinny, chestless, long-limbs that are full of power. You are supposed to survive on only salads and water, be a size 0, be lithe and waif-like. Nothing like me. 

I will fully admit that I struggle with loving my body, fighting my genetic makeup of shortness, curves, and a chest that Victoria's Secrets cannot contain. I tried to will myself into an eating disorder, as bad as it may be, because I did not look like a dancer. My calves, instead of lengthening with barre work, bulked up like a gymnasts. My muscles get large and prominent instead of long and lean. I hated looking at my reflection in the mirrors everyday in class. Yet here I am, 20 years into dancing, and even though I may not look like a dancer- I am a dancer.

I try very hard not to let my girls hear me say negative things about myself because I don't want them to think those things about themselves. I know that my girls are beautiful, there is no question. Yet, I know that society will tell them that they are not pretty enough, thin enough, tall enough, not enough... I don't want to set a bad example. But inside my head I say those bad things about myself, and I need to stop.

So what if I am not 100lbs? I can palm the floor with ease. Who cares that I am not the smallest size on the rack? I have three beautiful girls and earned those stretch marks proudly. And I know that I can't do a darn thing about my height other than laugh when I try on "capris" and they hit the top of my foot. =)

When my girls see themselves in the mirror I do not want them to pick themselves apart like I do, I want them to stand strong and healthy. Yesterday Gabby had a wipe out on her bike and got a pretty good scrape across her face. It darkened today to include a purple-ish colored eye... but to me she looked even prettier because those marks didn't stop her one bit. She asked for a bigger bike for her birthday!
First Road Rash ever!
That is the attitude I want to have... happy with what I got and just aim for a more healthy lifestyle!

Do you have a plank to pull? Hop on over here to read Jen's and to share your own!
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